過去が悪夢に

and there it was, that dream again.

the plot was always the same; being uncomfortable when the people in the question are around, with no idea why i was among them. then i would catch a glimpse of her, or hear that she is coming, and in terror i will bolt. in my subconsciousness i run away, like i have done so in reality.

it’s probably all about failing someone you were secretly in open-mouthed awe of. realizing that someone whom you were trying really hard to impress thought you were a piece of crap. i think that really leaves quite a scar on you.

and they have moved on, while i was still stuck in the past. that’s because i closed this chapter of my life while their story continued. in my defense i don’t see how i could have kept the book open. i remember that it was spewing poison and i was drowning in it. corroding. developing micro-fractures.

so i don’t regret running away, but i did i really get away?
pointless question to ask, isn’t it?