涙海

淚海
作曲：季忠平

愛已不能動　還有什麼值得我心痛
想你的天空　下起雨來
沒人心疼的黑夜
臉頰兩行鹹鹹的淚水
是你　哦是你
讓我望穿淚水　肝腸寸斷
你怎麼捨得讓我的淚流向海
付出的感情永遠　找不回來
你怎麼捨得讓我的愛流向海
傷心的往事一幕幕就像潮水
將我淹埋
閉上了雙眼　還看見和你的纏綿
眼角的淚水　洗不去心中
一遍一遍的誓言

雨季で走れない

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you
That someday it would bring me back to you

‘Sunday Morning’ by Maroon 5

川の流れは今日も激しいけれど

そう
愛が全てを助けるとは　思わない
だけど君の微笑み
心を癒すその唇に　立ち上がる勇気を
もらうのさ
確かに君の言う通りだよ
今なら引き返せるけれども
つまらない意地を張り続けてる
歩き始めた以上　諦めない
もう一度　この手にチャンスを…
川の流れは今日も激しいけれど
君の手は離さない
いつも　この胸の中の愛を信じていよう
夢が叶うまで…
–> river by ishii tatsuya

帰りの遠道

won’t it hurry pass? i want it to go away. because like back then, i’m scared. i struggle with self esteem, and somehow i don’t want what little i have to completely disappear. you see, the light at the end of the tunnel may well be an entrance to a furnace without an exit.

Well I stumbled in the darkness
I’m lost and alone
Though I said I’d go before us
And show the way back home
Is there a light up ahead?
I can’t hold on very long
Forgive me pretty baby but I always take the long way home
Money’s just something you throw
Off the back of a train
Got a handful of lightning
A hat full of rain
And I know that I said
I’d never do it again
And I love you pretty baby but I always take the long way home

‘Long way home’ by Norah Jones

なくもんか

ひょっとしたら皆一人ぼっちで
歩いているんじゃないかな
しょいこんだ寂しさを　打ち明けるわけもなく
またいくつもの背中が遠くなる
愛想笑いだけは上手くなってさ
大人には　なれたけど
僕が描いてたのは　そんなものじゃないんだよ
もっと強くて　優しいはずのぬくもり
誰かが　差し伸べてくれてる
その手を握る勇気が僕にあるかな
些細な　なんでもない距離が
ちいぽけなこの心をいつも　試してる
–>なくもんかbyいきものがかり

「女をやめたい」

it’s amusing how often i suppress thoughts and berate myself because i fear that they might weaken my resolves to uphold my principles.
maybe after being away from my beloved parents and finding it difficult to socially assimilate into hall life and the team which i have given almost all of myself to, i might have unconsciously wished that someone cared enough to care about things i care about.
and oh man, the thought of myself thinking like these disgusts me, especially the adjectives that are associated with such thoughts; lonely, needy, weak, … female.

どこまでおぼれていくんだろ
どこまで道化になるだろ
涙が仕事なら、女を止めたい
–>onna wo yametai by kaji meiko

if crying was my job, i want to quit being a woman, she sings.

i had wanted to be standing tall and strong in solitude, and being able to run through typhoons and storms alone without wanting someone to be waiting with umbrella, but where has this jasmine gone? i need to get her back, before i completely lose myself.

*_*

took a long hot shower to wash off all the grime that had accumulated from being in that country for 5 days. had spent 7 over hours in a really dirty train with blood splattered toilets, and i really really don’t want to cross the causeway again anytime soon. my mom brought home a flu bug, and i brought home lungs polluted with second hand smoke. really isn’t

worth it.

i love being back home.
have training tomorrow, and i have two bad ankles, of which one is still swollen, and looking pretty gross. have no idea how i sprained them. was running in the hotel gym wondering why my ankles had been hurting lately and realized only upon examination.

and the slamming of a vertical sliding door on errant strands of thoughts really do work. but it doesn’t solve the root of the problem.

I’ve read the words before so now I know
Time has come again for me
And I’m feelin’ the same way all over again
Feelin’ the same way all over again
Singin’ the same lines all over again
No matter how much I pretend
–>’Feelin’ the Same Way’ by Norah Jones

立ち止まり

listening to ‘standing still’ by jewel, a song which i dug out of the collection of english songs i used to like a long time ago, except now the lyrics has taken on new meaning.

think the answer’s pretty clear, isn’t it. it’ll be plain hubris on my part to assume, or hope otherwise. but i will move on, because i believe in my own worth. who will, if i don’t?

but at the end of it all, i will remember to smile for myself.

強さ

i’m really sorry i lied. but i needed the wake up call very badly.

But not tonight
‘Cause come the morning light, oh
I’m gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can’t see
The stronger woman in me
..Well tonight, I’m going to be
The kind of woman I’d want my daughter to be, oh
–> ‘stronger woman’ by jewel

耐難い..!

i still feel like i’m looking into a nightmare everytime i look in the mirror. am entirely covered and there’s no place without rash. there’s even one in my ear canal and places i don’t exactly want to identify. and my face still looks like volcanic landscape.

didn’t quite realise i might be this vain haha. good to know now.
and the itch is preventing me from falling asleep. lack of sleep, unbearable itch and fever sometimes brings about bouts of insanity at night and i imagine unpleasant things and have nightmares like sitting on the bench for the entire season (don’t laugh you).

and best of all my mom gets it for the second time. all my fault i know. it isn’t at all fair, all the suffering should have been mine alone. i guess being a mom sucks as well, sometimes

and brother, you’re the best. thank you.

遠くの空が白むまで走り抜けても
消えない
それは消えないよ
風に景色が溶けるまで踏み続けても
消えない
それは消えないよ
–> Night Diving by Asian Kung-Fu Generation-

落ち着けボケ

it’s like groping around blindly in the darkness. but it feels alright, it feels safe.

芽生えてしまった感情を
分かってるくせに放棄して
自分で作った愁情に
浸らないでよ
–> 絵画教室 by asian kung-fu generation

なるほど

was just being floored by the amazing scores on the sherlock holmes movie (2009) soundtrack. and found out they were hans zimmer material and was like oh no wonder.

this wasn’t on the movie soundtrack but it was in the movie and i like it all the same. makes people feel happy even when the lyrics of the songs is not ;D and ah, have i mentioned that i love celtic music and bagpipes, especially irish folk tunes?

The rocky road to dublin

祭

…Did the clown make you smile?
He was only your fool for awhile
Now he’s gone back home
And left you wandering there
Is it lonely?
Lonely
Lonely…
–from ‘Carnival town’, Norah Jones

what should i say, what should i do for you?

あゆみ

got all the complete singles by ayumi hamasaki, all in one box set. have been waiting for a bumper album to come out so that i can get all her songs at a cheaper price XDDDD

guilty pleasure.

チェック

…癒えない痛み悲しみでキズついた君
you, who had been inflicted with wounds and pains that dont heal
もう笑えないなんて人嫌いなんて言葉そう言わないで
dont say things like you cant smile or that you hate people
見えない未来に起こる事　全てに意味があるから
there is meaning in the things that will happen in the unseen future
今はそのままでいい　きっと気づける　時が来るだろ…
so stay the way you are, and perhaps the time will come when you will realize
— D tecno-life by UVERworld

see, infer, think, understand, overcome that barrier and take the first step.
then i’ll throw away my past for you.